Couples TherapyRelationships

When is it ok to get back together with an ex?

By August 30, 2018 No Comments

when-is-it-ok-to-get-back-together-with-an-ex-lifeworks-counseling-center-carroltonRelationships are difficult. Sometimes our relationships don’t work out because they were bad timing, because we weren’t ready, or because the other person wasn’t in a good space, etc. Whatever the reason, it is true and sad that some really special relationships come to an end. Getting back together with an ex is a difficult decision and it can be complicated. You have to remember that you broke up for a reason, and you shouldn’t let nostalgia and emotions cloud your better judgement if you know that reason remains.

However, many couples do work things out and get back together and end up happy and in healthy relationships, so it is possible. There are of course certain stipulations to be considered and the approach you take will be a big deciding factor in terms of success. Whether or not this rekindling is possible for you and your ex is highly dependent on multiple subjective factors. Probably the most important thing you have to remember is to not let your emotions cloud your better judgement throughout this whole process.

Before making the decision to get back together, you need to set aside some time to think. You should also set aside to have a proper discussion with your ex to see if you are in a good place to be making this decision. You should maybe even consider going together to relationship counseling in Carrollton. However, when you are having some you-time to think it over, here are the questions that you should ask yourself before making any steps in that direction…

Why did we break up?

You need to address the reasons that you broke up and go over them again. Have the issues that caused the first break up been resolved and forgiven? You broke up for a reason, so make sure that history isn’t going to repeat itself and that the reason is resolved.

Can we discuss and conclude what went wrong the last time?

Being able to communicate with one another calmly about what went wrong before is important. Communication is everything in a healthy and happy relationship. You need to be able to calmly address the issues you had before and come to an agreement over them in terms of forgiving and moving forward. Understanding what went wrong before (together) will help ensure that it won’t happen again.

Do either of us harbor resentment?

Resentment can easily destroy a relationship, you need to make sure everything is on the table and that all is forgiven, or it isn’t likely you will make it this time around. If you feel like you have any pint up anger or sadness about something that happened in the past, make sure it is on the table and cleared up before you try again. You both need to be fully forgiven and able to move forward.

Are we willing to make compromises?

Relationships are built on communication and compromises. You both have to be willing to give a little and not just take. A balanced relationship with give and take is the only way you will be able to make it last, otherwise that resentment will sneak its way right back in.

Have both of us grown since the split?

You need to recognize whether or not you have grown since the breakup. If you haven’t you will likely fall back into old patterns. If you have learned better communication and compromising skills, then you have grown and that is a good sign.

Why do we want to get back together?

Go over the reasons that you want to get back together. If it is because you are lonely or in a bad place in life, then getting back together is definitely not the answer. If it is because you truly care for one another, have the potential to work well together, and want to try for a healthy and happy future together, then you may be in a place to give it a go.

Are both willing to fully commit this time around?

Most of the time relationships go wrong because one or both of the partners was not able to fully commit at that point in their life. If you are both matured and in a place where you can prioritize your relationship and its future, then you may be able to make it work this time.

Sometimes having a third party involved when having important discussions about your relationship can make all of the difference. If you are having trouble sorting out your issues with your partner alone, you should consider going to relationship therapy in Carrollton. Here at Lifeworks our team of caring and expert counselors can work with you to help you mend what may be broken. If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us today.

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