Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery

For all addicts, a moment comes when they realize they have a problem. There is sudden clarity—the insight that life has become unmanageable. That moment, however, is fragile. It is easily lost to craving and denial. People struggling with sex addiction find the old refrains creeping back into their thinking: My situation is different. . . . This will all blow over. . . . People are over-reacting to my behavior. Or, This is hopeless. I’m just too perverted to change.

“If any of those thoughts occur to you, you are exactly where you should be,” notes Dr. Patrick Carnes in the introduction to Facing the Shadow. Starting with those gentle words, he guides readers through a series of reflections and exercises that pierce denial and light the path to healing from sex addiction.

Facing the Shadow, used by thousands of therapists with their clients, is based on the thirty-task model of recovery from addiction that forms the basis of Carnes’s work. This newly revised and expanded edition takes readers through the first seven of those tasks, including specific performables that are built in to the exercises. The model also supports Twelve Step recovery programs.

Patrick Carnes, PhD, is a therapist, speaker, trainer, and author whose books include Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps, Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict, and Don’t Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction.